Cinderella Was a Liar

A 2007 University of Texas poll concluded that 64% of women interviewed admitted to “sexually teasing” a man.  52% claimed they did this to give themselves a little boost in their self-esteem by feeling sexually desireable, 28% made a bet with friends and 6% did it to irritate his girlfriend. 

It’s not all a game though, guys, 69% wanted to make the man sexually interested in them and 22% were setting the tone for a possible future relationship.

Do you think teasing is OK if you are not really interested?

Ah, the risky, mysterious, brooding bad boy.  Brando did it well, Dean did it better and Colin Farrell took a method approach his naughty-by-nature routine  and moved through women so often, many girls wondered if they’d catch something just by standing in his general vicinity. 

While dating a “bad boy” sounds enticing, the truth is, most women over the age of 28 have learned that a man beating down your door screaming (INSERT YOUR NAME HERE) in true Streetcar Named Desire fashion does not a healthy relationship make. 

But again, I said, “Most Women.”

There are some dames who have been given the memo but are either emotionally illiterate and can’t read the fine print or have convinced themselves there is some kind of loophole that means the rules don’t apply to them.  They think they can (wait for it) change him.

Maybe they can eventually but it’s going to leave them lifeless with a jaded outlook, puffy eyes and possibly something they can’t get rid of.

Listen up, ladies.  You wouldn’t want a bad piece of chicken, a bad designer bag or a bad heel supporting you as you walk from place-to-place, why would you want a bad man?

I spent my Valentine’s Day the same way I have spent nearly all of the Valentine’s Day’s I have had in my adult life- trying to cheer my single friends up.  I did this even when I was flying solo for I seemed to be one of the very few single men and women I knew who didn’t view Valentine’s Day as a big, flashing, neon red reminder of their being unlovable (which, of course, is not the case). Now, to be fair, this realization came only after I, myself, spent a Valentine’s Day waiting for the call of a guy I knew was  “Just not that into me” and after hour seven, I started laughing at myself and went out for cocktails with a friend who I wound up dating.

Of course, allowing a date to serve as a yard stick by which we  measure our perceived faults is downright silly but it’s done routinely every January 1, February 14, December 25 and, let us not forget our respective birthdays, and quite frankly, in the words of the very blunt Lauren Bacall, it makes me damn mad.

Being single is not something anyone needs to feel bad about or apologize for, it simply means you have not yet found someone who you deem worthy of attaching yourself to just yet.  What’s really something to worry about is sitting on your caboose in an unhappy relationship, attached to someone who prevents you from meeting a mate who will suit you as you deserved to be suited.

You can sit there and wonder why so-and-so didn’t call or send roses or why you have not found your  one “soul mate” (another irksome theory) or you can realize that you are a worthy, lovely, wonderful person who is acting as though their life does not have significance because they didn’t get a box of Russell Stover chocolates and a bouquet of overpriced roses. 

No es bueno.

Just as Shakespear warned us in Hamlet, “good” and “bad” are interpretations for “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”  If you are walking around beating yourself up for being who you are and living the life you are living, you’re going to interpret nearly every message that comes in as a negative.  Not having a relationship does not mean you are not lovable nor does it mean that you will never have a relationship but not too many find grouchy, depressed, self-dismissing people attractive.  The more you love yourself and your life, the more likely you will send out energy that attracts others.

Ever heard of the phrase, “Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you’ll cry alone?”

There is also something else my single pals seem to be blissfully unaware of.  While I spend my Valentine’s Day reminding them of their loveliness, I spend February 15, listening to many of my coupled friends complain about how their mates fell short of their own expectations.

Bottom Line: Maybe we should all stop placing so much emphasis on a day and put it back where it belongs, on a life.

All Content © 2005-2009 Brenda Della Casa.  All rights reserved

Would you ever participate in a non-monogamous relationship?

Why?

Why not?

Do you think monogamy is natural?

According to a recent study at Brigham Young University, materialistic couples were less likely to be happy in their marriages. Researchers found that even a small financial issue would make big waves in the union resulting in more negative feelings about the union.

What Are Your Thoughts?

Call a local art gallery or museum and ask about tours.

Call a local bookstore and ask about author readings.

Go Salsa Dancing.

Borrow a friend’s puppy and take it to the dog run.

Volunteer (if in NY, check out www.NYCares.com)

Hit up a local planetarium (so fun!)

Take a cooking class with a group of strangers.  You’ll chat, cook, learn and eat together (Culinary Institutes are great for this)

Take a language course at a local community college and practice with someone in class

Sign up for a drama or improve class or if you are not into being on stage, volunteer to work on a set or as an usher for a local theatre.

www.strollwithoutshoes.com

When did it happen?

What made it special?

Who are the top five celebrities who would be on your “Anytime, Anywhere” list?

Johnny Depp?

ScarJo?

Ricky Martin?

Liz Hurley?

Remember, solo or attached, Valentine’s Day is like every other day in that you set the tone and decide as to how much meaning it will-or won’t- have. 

You decide if it will be a day by which you will measure certain aspects of your life or simply use it as a reminder to love yourself, your friends and your life.

Go and do something lovely for yourself and a loved one today?  Why not?