Traits of an Abuser and How to Protect Yourself

The abuse of music superstar, Robyn Rihanna Fenty (known to the world as “Rihanna”) has thrust domestic violence out of the shadows and onto center stage, opening discussions, heightening concerns and even sparking heated debates as to what it might mean for the superstar’s career should she stay with alleged abuser boyfriend, Chris Brown. While the picture of a battered and bruised superstar shocked the world, statistics say that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men could relate to it in some way. While there is not a completely fail-proof way to protect yourself from entering a violent relationship, abusers often share some common personality traits that can serve as warning signs. Read below to find out what they are.

A “Love at First Sight” Beginning

Many victims of abuse detail a “romantic” courtship where the abuser “came on strong” and professed their love and desire to move in together or even get married within the first few months of dating. The abuser may have started discussing the future in the first few weeks of dating or demanded exclusivity soon after meeting the victim.

Protect Yourself: It takes time to get to know someone enough to love them and an instant need for a total connection stems from desperation and a desire for others to fill a need within oneself. Take your time when getting to know someone and be weary of giving up your own home or ring finger too soon. 

Lack of Accountability

Whether it’s getting fired or putting their hands on you, nothing an abuser says or does is their fault.  If the person you are with is always “reacting” to others and using “You make me” statements such as “You make me so angry I throw things” or even “You make me whole” be aware.  It shows they see themselves as totally reactive and out-of-control of their own lives.

Protect Yourself: We are all completely responsible for everything we choose to say and do in our lives. Others might make us angry or hurt our feelings but we choose how we will respond.  You are never responsible for someone choosing to insult, push, punch or otherwise harm you.  When someone blames you or others for their behavior, don’t accept it as the truth.    

Check out the rest of my article here.