Bad Marriage Can Hurt Your Heart-Literally

We know that marital difficulty isn’t easy for either partner but a new study has concluded that when love goes downhill, it can hurt your heart in more ways than one, especially if you’re female.  

Researchers at The University of Utah studied 276 couples in long-term marriages-the average couple had been together 25 years or more- and found that while both men and women were likely to suffer depressive symptoms as a result of an troubled union, unhappy wives were more likely to suffer signs of “metabolic syndrome”, group of metabolic risk factors that include abdominal obesity, elevated blood pressure, low levels ”good” cholesterol and high blood sugar and can increase the chances of suffering a heart attack or diabetes. 

After discussing love with so many women over the years, I am not surprised that many would suffer very real physical symptoms as a result of being unhappy in their relationships.  From an early age, women are told that everything they in life pale in comparison to finding their one “true love” (hey, who cares about that Ph.D as long as you have the ring, right?).  If they do things right, this love of theirs won’t be any ole chap, either. No, he will be a “perfect prince” who will swoop in, white-wash their lives and take them straight into their very “happily ever after”.   

Through re-worked Fairy Tales where the woman is always the one with the issue, comments from our thoughtful relatives and peers about what we need to do to get and keep a man, TV shows where bright, beautiful women “compete” for cheap roses and Meg Ryan movies where all problems are solved in two hours and sealed with a kiss, we gals are almost conditioned to attach our self-worth to our relationship status.  No wonder so many of us are so quick to internalize relationship problems and equate a failed romantic situation with being a failure as a woman. Anyone who has ever walked around feeling as though they have a big “F” on their forehead knows that feelings of failure are often accompanied by their cruel entourage which includes pals like hopelessness, worthlessness, low energy and low self-esteem.  It’s hard to feel motivate, to eat right and work out.   Instead, many of us seek comfort in unhealthy habits such as drinking, smoking, excessive eating of “comfort foods” high in sugar or fat or simply not eating at all.   

If you have found yourself in a similar situation, please read below for tips on staying healthy in spite of your relationship status or the state of your union.

Meditate: Start each day with five to ten minutes alone in a quiet space (the shower works) and close your body down, focusing only on positive words, thoughts and feelings.  Think about your purpose for the day, one way in which you will work towards that purpose and what it will feel like to accomplish your personal goal.

Talk to Your Spouse:  Sometimes the tension can be so thick that we forget there is another person with thoughts and feelings sitting in the room with us.  Be the bigger (wo)man and reach out to your mate and ask them, “What do you think we should do about this?”  You might be surprised at what they have to say.

Surround Yourself With Positive Food: Positive food is food that will work towards making your system work for you.  Fruits, veggies, lean proteins and whole grains are all going to help you get through the day, feel great long-term and keep your body in better shape.  If you can’t quite give up the “bad stuff” cold turkey, make healthy swaps.  Have an English muffin with a tiny bit of butter (or just jelly) instead of a bagel, make your eggs with one yolk for every 3 you have (egg whites for the others), drink herbal tea or Crystal Light instead of sugary soda’s and cut your cheese, mayo and salad dressings down to half or less.  Keep a food diary and look up the fat content and calories of everything you eat online and write it down. Pay attention to portion sizes.

Talk to Someone You Can Trust: Reach out to a counselor, pastor or an amazing friend who can help you manage your emotions and deal with the situation more objectively.  If your spouse is accommodating, look into couple’s therapy.

Keep a Journal: Getting your thoughts and feelings out and on paper is often very helpful.

Don’t Be a Sponge: Try and avoid “soaking in” the mood of your spouse.  Go for a walk, meet up with friends or take a book into another room.

Do Something Physical:  Whether it’s a walking date with a friend, a gym membership that allows you to take classes or a Yoga DVD you do in the privacy of your own home-get moving.  It might be hard at first but give yourself 3 weeks and I promise you, you’ll see and feel a lot different. You deserve to be healthy.

Create Your Space:  Make your home look like the sanctuary you deserve it to be and find a place in it where you can feel free to be comfortable.

Make Some Decision’s:  You have a right to live happily and healthfully.